“I seldom hook up like this on a first date is standard mantra” a distant thought, as she inspected her still “hard as green summer plums” nipples wondering if they would EVER go down, loving their tantalizing ache and just THINKING about this guy’s hard licks makes them start throbbing all over again, as she lightly drifts into a nap, feeling like her bottom has never enjoyed a warmer & wetter night. Having his cock head slowly massage & lubricate her rim with honey smooth pre-cum and short pee squirts as he slowly squeezes his head just-in, just-out, she can feel the rim of his cock slowly pass just inside her rim-stop-slowly he squeezes back out, his tip never quits touching her rim. He never says a word. Slowly in just barely, slowly out just barely but always in contact. Soon her body understands the tantalizing silent request. Sensuously relax butt rim muscles while he uses his cock to wet & tease all around her bottom, stopping again just after his head slides inside her rim, she’s supposed to clench down and eject him out. Squeeze in-eject out-maybe squirt pre-cum pee lube-squeeze in-eject out, almost certainly her nipples were weeping lightly and even now while hot breath huffs down her neck like a steam locomotive pulling a long high mountain pass, hopefully he won’t wake up before his German Sheppard’s tie knot goes down enough…,

Hey Rich, A wee bit of banter in attempt to sugar-coat my not showing up tomorrow.

There is no good answer why, but mine, I’m battling against being a recluse and attendant relationship hang-ups.

Late at night no commitment hook-up at Club Z, Superman’s Cape is out & about.

Plan to meet a fine person on a bright sunny day, a poor 2nd to Clark Kent’s “jimmy” takes over.

I’m working on it and made big progress (and life style change) over the last year and will continue to make more, but I discover this AM, as usual, that I’m feeling stressed re having committed to meeting with you daytime tomorrow, my old Achilles heel returns, plans I make with a guy the night before fall thru because I can’t get myself to come out and meet during the day, even tho’ I said I would last night.

What pushes this recluse out the door is wet dick anticipation which just doesn’t seem to happen during the day.

In the spirit of wanting to eventually meet when I can carry my end, I’ll go on a bit, trying to further explain not keeping my word.

I guess I’ve gotten by with being unreliable that way because the guys I hooked up with when I first started with guys, often told me I have a excellent sucking dick, to which at first I said uh-huh honey, any port in the storm and gag-reflex usually makes my sucking not pleasurable for either of us, so I’ve never really developed a feel for dicks sucking differently.

I love jacking guys off and there is definitely a difference, some guys dicks just jack off nicer ( I still morning jack off couple times a week), tho’ too many guys just want quick servicing, no bond.

To which they quickly replied, “no really”, your dick comes alive in a rare bonding way when being sucked on with a steady solid throb pushing out honey thick pre-cum where lots of guys don’t have much pre-cum or make little effort to let it flow, you can relax your cock and let us milk pre-cum on nearly every type caress from tongue only under foreskin to full deep throat and stroking balls for the next pre-cum squeeze. Instead of blowing the barn doors off in the first 5 minutes and snoring rest of the night, your dick intuitively understands it’s supposed to be sucked on for half the night and in response provide pre-cum & pee squirts to fully engage all the hormones of both lovers to full satisfaction.

Of course I didn’t get all that from one conversation but I’ve been sucked on for many a year without TOPPING and having very satisfied partners (for the night) that by and large would have liked to be TOPPED had I been willing to go bare-back and/or try a condom, but in the end were nearly always entirely satisfied with a lover whose dick can make a oral bond for hours at a time until their own libido built enough to play a equal role.

Long ago my dick has refused to bond with “blow & go” cruisers at Club Z. The members eventually learn what each others likes are, know that my buttons are a long bonding milk down that’s not looking to risky bare-back. Just a few guys know I’ll go a bit further after a long cock sucking bond is set and roll over on my knees, stick my butt up in the air, for a equally slow sensuous tongue stuck deep in my rim, somewhere in there my lover reaches between my legs and jacks me off, keeping his tongue buried deep as he can, me squeezing my rim as often, long and hard as I can to “give back”, somewhere along there my partners libido has built enough to cum, and all the time, instead of slamming bare-back on the way to 1st base, I’m willing to play a role of wanting partners in need of long time libido build-up and being mostly passive while my dick works out the oral bonding routine.

Anyhow I haven’t had to learn relationships and develop a personality because my cock did it all for me but I wouldn’t TOP, often condoms just don’t stay on well and I’ve nearly always been careful enough to not go bare-back in the process of everyone having a good time at being satisfied.

I’ve been pretty good, hiv-, at staying safe enough over the years, rarely TOPPED, but always missed my “first one”, which is why I’m looking for someone such as yourself.

I started as a TOP, years ago just before Aids was talked about, the guy was peeking from stall as I was at urinal in running shorts, said all he wanted was to watch me pee which he could “see” interested me, I stepped into stall as he slid to back of toilet so he could watch my dick pee, but I involuntarily clenched up & couldn’t do it, so he reached out held my cock and said you’ve already cum so you’ll pee soon. To which I replied I hadn’t cum, that I always get wet like that under my foreskin. A soft whimper escaped his lips and tho’ I don’t recall him moving, somehow he slid full on deep throat in one smooth motion and held me fully engorged motionless, then cradled my balls in both his hands and ever so slowly softly began massaging my balls with gentle milking strokes, staying pressed full on deep throat (and now I know, forehead against my bladder) silently signaling me to fully relax and give myself over and let him control my erotica functions. Since back in the day, when two in a stall at some Parks wasn’t an issue, without a word spoken I gave in, gave over control. Why my knees didn’t eventually buckle I don’t know but he erotica & squeeze controlled me one pee squirt at a time, some long some short, whichever he pressed for, and now I also know, edge holding me off from climax until not another drop of pre-cum or pee could be milked out and then gently making sure my foreskin was fully unsheathed, smooched out short tongue tickle sucking just on my cock head while doing a few firm quick hand lubricated full jack off strokes on the shaft (plenty available) then quickly alternated with half dozen deep throat strokes, not fast not slow, just right, about part way thru the 3rd or 4th cycle of that my cock and entire bottom felt like a hot steam flash was blowing thru and I when thought the head would burst off my cock, he quickly gets up, turns around, bends over and smoothly guides my pre-cum coated dick in full depth, with near perfect timing I ejaculated on nearly the first full stroke in and he quickly gently backed us (me) to the wall and whispered, don’t pump, just get in deep as you can and hold still. With my dick plunged deep in his butt, after him milking & draining my pee probably for better part of half hour or more, and me absolutely erupting a huge DEEP deposit and staying hard enough to easily signal him down deep with an occasional dick throb or two, he said he couldn’t remember last time his libido was flowing strongly enough to slowly jack himself off, taking his time, enjoying every stroke and I could feel him building up thru my dick in his butt which made me perk up harder again because I could FEEL inside of him as his erotica collected and he felt me get harder right away as he’s loving every second of not having been able to SLOWLY jack off for a long long time, so he slowly edged himself, me feeling him build all the way but not realizing he was STEALTH edging me also, giving me a few minutes since he already had one hot steaming load from me laying deep in his butt, more hot cum still oozing off end of my dick and into his butt for each stroke he takes on his own dick. Quietly he whispers, I can’t cum ’til I’m feeling you peeing in my butt and it was like he threw a hypnotic switch as I had the longest warmest deepest pee ever as he climaxed and surged and clenched and squeezed his rim to give back everything he possibly could in return.

That was my first time with a guy and tho’ I didn’t really believe him at the time, he claimed my erotica control of being so easily enjoyably milkable of nearly never ending supply of pre-cum was unusual and being able to release short squirts of “marking pee” made me more animal than man and many gay guys would quickly recognize that in me and start melting from the inside out and I only need be gently respectfully waiting and they’ll find a way to draw near.

Well, that summer Mark, a true understanding person of how difficult it was to build his libido, was always on the lookout for a guy who enjoyed long sessions giving our hormones their true setting by letting one guy orally (or both taking turns but not for Mark & I) taste suck drink eat lick off everything his partner could possibly put out raising every sensitive erotic nerve, then turning around and having my dick buried deep in his butt for his final stage of slowly jacking off to the edge having his libido trigger me into another cycle of peeing deep in his butt and flooding him into final convulsive release.

It was a long hot erotic summer but Aids WAS making the news so we broke off and lost track of each other.

Anyhow, soon after the Aids issue was becoming well known enough that I quit TOPPING and as the years have gone by, (oh by the way I found a typo from last nights e-mail, I’m 59 not 55) holding an erection that could squeeze thru a tight rim made TOPPING less of an issue since all my other “milking functions & desires remain top notch” and I LIKE being a “slow hand” type guy so relationships at Club Z always worked with a few friends.

Well my “lifestyle change” is I’ve retired last year (early not because I had to but because I could just barely afford to) frugal pleasure leisure time being far more important to me than higher levels of material possessions (and stress).

I’ve been exercising & dieting my way back into shape, lost a fair plug of weight, gained a fair plug of stamina and libido as evidenced by returning to jacking off couple times a week which I’d not been doing for YEARS before that.

Had my too long put off full physical, colonoscopy, ect ect.

I’m clean as a whistle, no need to look for another 5 yrs colonoscopy, excellent results on all my lab tests, and at age 59 I’ve got blood pressure/pulse/cardio functions that a 30 yr old would wish for tho’ I’m still overweight I’ll get down to about 200, a pretty natural weight for my 6-2 body style/build. (lifelong no smoking no drinking nearly full vegetarian, lots of pot)

I’ve also got a body and mind that’s been badly beat up from time to time over the years. Mechanical structure wear function shows the miles hence the medical marijuana MMJ.

And then my doc (gay) agreed to issue me a Viagra prescription and it’s great effectiveness with me made me recall my “first guy” and wonder if I might not try to find a guy to stay safe with who likes trying erotica (mostly safely) and see if it still carries the same pleasures of yesterday.

Anyhow, I’m so horny now I’ll definitely be out at Club Z getting sucked & peeing all night long then sleep most of tomorrow.

I hope we can work out a night time to meet, my schedule really is nearly wide open of nights for us, your pics looked good, hope the competition went well.

Also I’m hoping I’ve picked the right guy to share a heartfelt letter with, even if we don’t click at playtime.